Sunday, January 26, 2014

I Love My Body NOW.

I love my body as it is today. Yes I am trying to lose weight. Yes I am hoping to improve my health, stamina, and fitness level. But I can want all of those things, including the new body that comes with those changes, without hating the body I have now.

I notice that a lot of people who are trying to lose weight hate their bodies. They struggle with self-loathing, with voices in their heads that say, "I hate myself for letting it go this far," or "I look so ugly now, if I lose weight maybe I'll be beautiful." I know this because I struggled with this the last couple of times I tried to lose weight. It doesn't help that society idealizes being thin, or that the fitness industry makes its money by convincing you that you are not good enough, but will be someday if you just do one more pushup or run that extra mile.

If there is no one else in your life who has told you this, I am telling you now -- you are beautiful. You are more than good enough. Every curve and imperfection is perfect because it's YOURS and God made it. You are a fucking superstar, and you will be whether you weigh 320 lbs. or 120 lbs. I truly believe that in order to be successful long term in this endeavor, you MUST love yourself as you are NOW, not wait until you've lost the weight. You're chasing something you already have the God-given right to have, and you'll find that weight loss won't give it to you -- it's a gift that you must give to yourself.

Friday, January 24, 2014

The Workout Boredom Blues

I'm starting to hate Week 1 of Ripped in 30.

Not because Jillian's a bad trainer. And not because it's a bad workout. It's mainly because I'm frustrated with myself.

I've been doing this workout for a couple of days (I know, I know, not that long), and I'm floored by how quickly I get tired and how much this workout wipes me out. The last time I did it, I got so winded and nauseous midway through that I had to stop. I used to be able to do the Week 1 workout easily -- it was even, dare I say it, fun. I HATE that I let myself get this out of shape.

On the bright side, working out helps immensely with my depression. It also helps me add structure to my day, something my therapist said I was lacking. I hope that the rest of the things I want, like more endurance and strength, will come with time.

Oh, one more thing. I took some "before" pics to see what my progress will be. I'm very embarrassed by them, and therefore have NO intention of posting them unless and until there's a huge enough difference in my body for it to be worth it. That may be after I finish Ripped in 30, and it may be later this year when I've reached my goal weight, which will be anywhere between 135 and 140 pounds. I'd love to get there by my birthday, but I'm willing to take things slow and not rush through this process.

Monday, January 20, 2014

Guess Who's Back? Ripped in 30 Week 1, Day 1

Hey, everyone. I know I dropped off the face of the earth for a bit, a lot was going on. But now my weight is getting a wee bit out of hand (last I checked I was 184.8 lbs). For me that's waaaaay too close to 200, which would be far too high for my height and body type.

Since it's cold and I HATE running in cold weather, I'm taking a breather from the Couch to 5k program until it gets warmer or I have access to a treadmill. In the meantime, I will be doing Jillian Michaels' Ripped in 30 video. I think the farthest I've ever gone on it was Week 2 or 3, but this time I'm determined to finish all 4 weeks and see what results I get! Here are some starting stats:

Weight: 184.8 lbs
Waist: 38 inches
Thigh: 28 inches
Bust: 43 inches
Arm: 15 inches

So a few comments on my first day -- OUCH! The first day is always the hardest, and I really struggled through the cardio intervals especially. I know my endurance will build back up over time, but it's disheartening to have such a hard time with this workout when I used to be able to do it relatively easily. I'm glad to be back on a workout regimen, though, my stress level has lowered and I have lots more energy. Once I get used to working out every day, I will slowly start adjusting my diet -- I've gotten very carried away with the sugar portions lately and it needs to stop ASAP!