Falling Off the Wagon (And How I Got Back On)

Well, it happens to the best of us. We get into a routine, we make a commitment to do something, it lasts for a few weeks...and then we hit a wall. Sometimes we really are busy. Sometimes one off day seems to throw off the cycle and "ruin" the whole thing in our minds. Sometimes that annoying subconscious fear of failure is just nagging in the back of our minds, telling us we're doomed to fail anyway. But whatever the reason, our best laid plans have fallen to the wayside and we have fallen -- hard -- off the wagon.

It started when I got sick. I had a miserable cold and working out was the last thing on my mind. Then school happened. And thesis. And I got busy. Too busy to track what I was eating. Too busy to get up at 5 in the morning to run. I can't tell you how many times I put on my Under Armour workout clothes and my Saucony running shoes in an attempt to push myself to get out there. But day after day, week after week, something kept pulling me back. This is the point where I would usually give up completely, eat like a pig for a few weeks, gain a bunch of weight, and try to start the whole process again in the new year.

What made it different this time, you ask? The biggest thing was the race in December. I knew I had signed up for that race and spent the money on admission. I made a commitment to something and someone bigger than myself. And whether I ran, walked, or crawled past that finish line, I knew I was going to be there. But of all those options, I would prefer to comfortably jog across, able to run that 3.1 miles without feeling like I'm going to die. And in order to do that, I have to train.

So today I decided to do just that. I put on my running clothes, headed to the park, and picked up right where I left off -- Week 3, Day 1 of my program. I thought I would be miserable the whole time. I thought I would feel like my lungs were going to explode. But surprisingly...I got through it without much trouble. My body is slowly adapting to this new thing called exercising, and it doesn't fight me so hard when I try to do it. It was in that moment that I really began to feel like a runner, instead of a chubby girl faking it till she makes it. I look forward to the next few weeks instead of dreading them. I'm ready to see what my body can do. I'm ready to change -- one day, and one run at a time.